everyday living like this

not happy.

i dont wish to be like this.

but whatelse could i do?

i cant take it anymore.

i wonder how.

u sucka'

WHY am i being like this? Why dont i deserve it?

i dont deserve, WHERE THE FUCK IS GOD? EXIST? FUCK YEAH!

Sometimes seriously i have tendency to commit suicide.

i need to visit some counselor

pain (updated)

im in tantockseng now。 hospitalised because of my opeeeration. im blogging using my phone.

wat i can say is.

生命是如此的脆弱

i cant remember anything the moment i inhaled the general anesthetic。 totally。

what i can remember was only that few seconds when im being push into the operation theatre, and the surgeon said "breathe deep and slow" and the next moment i woke up was already hours later and im alr in the observation ward. And the nurses were slapping my face calling my name untill i start to know where i am.

life is too fragile。 i have difficulty breathing once i gain conscious from the operaation。 im lying on bed yet every breath i take is so painful。i have to breathe very lightly。

i fall asleep easily in the hospital.

discharged on the next day.

2 weeks mc. resting at home now still feeling pain when i breathe.

7days of heaven

明天要到 我的最爱国家了！
耶！！！

belated 21st

It was a rather rush planning for my 21st. Cause all the guys are in NS. We didnt have much time for the preparation, and of cause i didnt invite my relatives and NS friends not because i neglect them but it's really difficult for me to entertain everyone if i invited all of them. And i will feel bad if that really happen. So, it was a simple bbq gathering inviting only my close friends at my house on the saturday.

 This is my new modified blackberry! So nice!!!

 poloroid pictures taken using my birthday gift!

 Thanks weiliang for preparing the Secret Recipe cake.

 Another big thank you to all my good friends and neighbour.

21st

 

My actual birthday falls on a normal wednesday and most of my friends are in NS. Lucky enough, my good friends are all in 8-5 jobs as a NSF.

Tuesday late night, Mitch asked me out to meet him n Ian at holland v. I was so surprised when Inez accompanied Mitch, tgt with Bryan n Ian there when i reached. And they initiated to buy a cake from NYDC and it's so expensive. So touched! And we went haagen dazs for ice cream, and cut the cake at twelve. Officially 21! Thanks Inez for bringing her dslr and poloroid cams for those nice photos.

resign!

HAHAHA. Last week i quitted my vocation in my NS. Some may think why im able to quit from my job serving for NS, thats becos im selected after my BMT n SCS into this vocation that requires me to fly in the helicopter with the pilots, doing high risk job, securing myself down from the helicopter to rescue casulty and bring them up to the aircraft. Just like what you see in the news. A very very rare job for NSF. It's too individual, on ground it's too heavy responsibilty. So my life inside wasn't happy at all with their demands expected from me, so i requested to change vocation, though the boss didnt encourage and wish me to leave. Afterall, it's been months to train a guy like me clearing the high standards of aero medical standards, swimming test etc, and wasted so much of their resources. So its not the same like in the army whereby you cannot choose whether to chiong the forest with one whole group of mates.
But who cares, im a NSF. 11months served, 11months more.
Being in this vocation has its good and bad factors. Good becos everyday we are able to go home in the evening and report back to base in the morning.
Currently im waiting for the new posting of the vocation, everyday enjoying doing nothing in sembawang airbase. Im seriously happy now after i quitted this stressful job. However, im quite afraid if im posted back to those tough vocations. My current rank is still Sergeant Cadet Trainee. Let's wait and see!

picture taken from RSAF website